GJ

It's been two years since I've been to the town I grew up in. A little less than two years ago my parents moved. They didn't tell us that they were thinking about moving until they had purchased a home in another state. A few of us expressed a desire to make a last trip before my parents moved from our childhood home but it was strongly discouraged. Right now I really miss my hometown. It has its own quirks but I love it! It's beautiful!

To Create

"Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty." -Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I love to create! There is something so uplifting about creating. My main two forms of creation are food and clothing. I thoroughly enjoying creating both! Due to the holiday season I have been baking up a storm. I have also created a wide variety of soups and today I'm going to begin creating an incredible apron! I can't wait!

One-liners

I like quotes. I like one-liners, wherever they come from. I recently watched a movie which had many great one-liners. One of which was, "If you want to get to the castle, you have to swim the moat." Fantastic! Isn't that SO true! If you want something grand, you gotta work for it!

It's not what you have that matters, it's what you make of it

Last night I went to a work Christmas party. At the beginning of the evening we were each given a Christmas movie/tv trivia quiz. Not only had I not seen many of the shows we were questioned about but I also have a horrible memory and tend to not remember small details. So, I didn't do so hot on the quiz. For each question we answered correctly, we were given a bean. Later in the evening there was an auction in which we used the beans to bid. I probably had the least amount of beans. The auction began and the bids continued to increase significantly higher than my number of beans. I realized that those who had the most beans were the ones who were eager about biding. I decided that my best tactic considering the situation would be to wait until the amount of beans in the group had dwindled. I waited. We got to one item in which no one would bid. I bid one bean and the bid stopped there. I won with the least amount of beans!
In life it's so easy to become focused on material possessions. It's easy to become wrapped up in things that don't matter. What matters is that we make the most of what we have. It's amazing what Heavenly Father can help us accomplish with very little on our part!

Goals

When I was in high school, my scrawny brother decided that he no longer wanted to be picked on physically and emotionally for being small and chose to change his physique. He began to body build. One may ask "Why go to the opposite extreme?!" But it's what he wanted and he gave everything to attain his goal. During this period of his life he had pinned on his bedroom wall a quote attributed to Elder Richard G. Scott which read, "To reach a goal you have never attained, you must do things you have never before done." It's a beautiful concept! So often we desire to become better, to attain specific goals but would prefer that the success fall into our lap. Anything worth acquiring takes effort, lots of it!
For years I have wanted to lose weight. From time to time I put forth a little more effort and then I give up. Why?! I know that I won't attain my goal without valiant effort but it's so easy to give into complacency. Not any more! About two months ago I decided that my goal requires my complete effort. I have changed my tactic. I realized that any good goal is worthy of asking for heavenly assistance. So, I've done just that. For over two months I have fasted weekly for the heavenly assistance I need in reaching my goal. And I have made a stronger personal effort to do everything I know to live a healthier life. Not that it's been easy but it has been beautiful! I have seen the Lord's hand in my life. I have also recognized how the Adversary attempts to thwart my goals. And I have learned that through the Lord all things are possible. So, over half way to my goal I thank my Heavenly Father for His love, guidance, and direction!

The Holy Ghost

"There is a lesson in the Prophet Joseph Smith’s account of the First Vision which virtually every Latter-day Saint has had occasion to experience, or one day soon will. It is the plain and very sobering truth that before great moments, certainly before great spiritual moments, there can come adversity, opposition, and darkness. Life has some of those moments for us, and occasionally they come just as we are approaching an important decision or a significant step in our lives. . . Beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted in it, it is right now."
“Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence” by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

How profound! I think it is all too easy to receive a thought or impression and later (even moments later) dismiss it. It is so important that we do whatever is necessary to act upon promptings and impressions from the Spirit. I have had a few very impressionable experiences with the Spirit throughout my life which have helped create a spirit of obedience. One that currently stands out in my memory happened while I was a missionary. My companion and I were preparing for the next day. We had prayed to know where we should be so that we might be where the Lord needed us, his servants. As we discussing the streets in our area, I had a distinct impression not to be in a certain area, at a certain time. The impression was quite strong but could have been easily dismissed as an unrealistic thought. I told my companion of the impression and that we couldn't not go to that area. The next evening we spoke with a friend who lived in the area I had felt impressed to not enter. At the exact time that the Spirit told me we shouldn't not be there, there was an attempted kidnapping at gunpoint of an adult woman. There was no doubt that the Lord had protected us and I knew that if I had dismissed the prompting as my own crazy thought that our lives would have been in jeopardy! I was so grateful that I had listened to the prompting from the Holy Ghost! I learned to seek the Lord's guidance more in my life and realized how easy it is to dismiss promptings of the Spirit! Heavenly Father knows what He is doing! He tries to guide us in all important decisions in our lives!

Just a Thought

I've been thinking a lot about choices. Adam and Eve provide a great example: they made no progress until they partook of the fruit of which they were disinclined to partake. They may have thought that they were happy, and may have been afraid of what they were getting themselves into, but they were stuck and could not progress. Until they partook, they could not move forward with their lives. They could not experience true joy and happiness without taking a leap of faith.
Here is also an awesome quote from Elder Marion G. Romney:
"While the Lord will magnify us in both subtle and dramatic ways, he can only guide our footsteps when we move our feet. Ultimately, our own actions determine our blessings - or lack of them."

Any Righteous Thing is Possible!

As I was preparing to teach Relief Society I was reminded of this quote:
You can change! You can be anything you want to be in righteousness. If there is one lament I cannot abide, it is the poor, pitiful, withered cry, “Well, that’s just the way I am.” If you want to talk about discouragement, that is one that discourages me. I’ve heard it from too many people who want to sin and call it psychology. And I use the word sin to cover a vast range of habits, some seemingly innocent enough, that nevertheless bring discouragement and doubt and despair. You can change anything you want to change, and you can do it very fast. Another satanic sucker punch is that it takes years and years and eons of eternity to repent. That’s just not true. It takes exactly as long to repent as it takes you to say. “I’ll change”—and mean it. Of course there will be problems to work out and restitutions to make. You may well spend—indeed, you had better spend—the rest of your life proving your repentance by its permanence. But change, growth, renewal, and repentance can come for you as instantaneously as they did for Alma and the sons of Mosiah. Even if you have serious amends to make, it is not likely that you would qualify for the term “the vilest of sinners,” which is the phrase Mormon used in describing these young men. Yet as Alma recounts his own experience, it appears to have been as instantaneous as it was stunning. (See Alma 36.) Do not misunderstand. Repentance is not easy or painless or convenient. It is a bitter cup from hell. But only Satan, who dwells there, would have you think that a necessary and required acknowledgment is more distasteful than permanent residence. Only he would say, “You can’t change. You won’t change. It’s too long and too hard to change. Give up. Give in. Don’t repent. You are just the way you are.” That is a lie born of desperation. Don’t fall for it. (Jeffrey R. Holland. However Long and Hard the Road [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1985], 6-7.)
I love it! Through Jesus Christ we can accomplish anything! We can become exactly who we want to be and who the Lord knows we can become!

Miracles Happen, As Weird As They May Be

Not that long ago I wrote about unspoken prayers. . . A few weeks ago I backed up into an air conditioning unit and scratched my bumper. I was really upset because I feel like my car is still brand new and it was my first scratch. I told a few people that I hoped I would be rear-ended (just gently) so I could get a new bumper without paying for it. Tonight, as I was driving home from the temple, a lady plowed into me while I was stopped at a red light. I'm still a little in shock! My immediate thought was that Heavenly Father was giving me exactly what I wanted. While my bumper isn't that big of a deal, it means something to me. I care about my car. And as trivial as it may be, I feel like Heavenly Father was telling me that he cares about me. We never know how are prayers will be answered but they will be. Heavenly Father loves us and wants to bless us in anyway that He can.

Despised and Rejected

"He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."
Isaiah 53:3-5
As I read these verses today I had a profound thought (actually I'm sure it wasn't mine). Jesus Christ, the Savior of all mankind, was not popular. He didn't minister in order to gain a following. His purpose and mission was fulfilled no matter who believed. So often we seek popularity through our actions. Why?! Jesus Christ, the best example we can follow, did not seek approval or change his mission in order to fit into a crowd. My mission is centered on Jesus Christ. I am his disciple.

Prayer

Recently I've had a few unspoken prayers answered. It's been incredible to recognize the Lord's hand in my life. I frequently pray to follow the Lord's will and I pray for righteous desires. Sometimes I become frustrated when the things I desire most aren't happening. I wonder why, why can't I have righteous desires? But then things which mean something to me, but I hadn't asked for, are granted quite miraculously to me. Heavenly Father knows us and loves us! He knows what is most important and will guide us to it! I've always enjoyed the words to Garth Brooks "Unanswered Prayers." Here is the chorus:
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

Moses

I've been thinking a lot about Moses. He was a prophet of God. As prophet, he saw God face to face. What a remarkable spiritual experience! In addition to seeing God, he saw this world and all those who have or will inhabit it. After this amazing experience the Adversary came temping Moses. Initially Moses was able to withstand the temptations because he remembered the vision and the power of God. But after Satan continues to tempt him, "Moses began to fear exceedingly; and as he began to fear, he saw the bitterness of hell" (Moses 1:20). Only when Moses began to listen to the Adversary did he see the bitterness of hell.
Each of us experience miracles. Through these we are able to see the power of God in our own lives. We are strengthened and edified but just as Moses, the Adversary will try to tempt us. He wants us to fall and will do all in his power to make it happen. The Adversary doesn't want us to have eternal happiness. I like what Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said in his talk entitled "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence." He said, "If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don't give up when the pressure mounts. Certainly don't give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. Face your doubts. Master your fears. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.' Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you."

Light

Sadly my calla lily died. Cause of death: lack of light.
We are just like my calla lily. We need light. We need light from the sun. Sunlight provides vitamin D which aids in the absorption of calcium, improves the immune system, and reduces stress.
We also need the light from our Savior Jesus Christ. He said, “I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.” Thanks to our Savior, the Light of the World, we do not have to walk in darkness. He can and does shed light upon our lives. He guides and directs us. We are not without hope, thanks to Him.

Priesthood Power

I taught a lesson on the priesthood, or the authority of God given to man to act in His name. My preparation for the lesson was edifying. It caused me to think of my own experiences with the priesthood power. I am incredibly grateful for the priesthood in my life. I have been blessed by its power. Oftentimes I feel a very direct love from my Heavenly Father through the priesthood. In a talk given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks he says, "As a boy and as a man I have seen healings as miraculous as any recorded in the scriptures, and so have many of you." The power of God is real! Miracles can and do happen!
As I was preparing, 1 Corinthians 11:11 kept entering my mind. The verse may seem unrelated to the priesthood authority but I couldn't help but think how much we need each other! Equally as good is Genesis 2:18. I love the scriptures! I love the word of God! There is so much to be gained!

Sweet potatoes

In an effort to be healthier, I have significantly decreased my sugar and salt consumption. In doing so I have been looking for yummy snacks which do not contain processed sugar and are low in sodium. My favorite treat has been sweet potatoes! I have always loved the flavor of pumpkin and sweet potatoes. I love both in pie form, however that doesn't help me in avoiding sugar:) My favorite form of sweet potatoes has become my own sweet potato chips. I sliver the sweet potato, place them on a cookie sheet, lightly spray with vegetable oil (Pam), sprinkle with spices, and bake. It's delicious!

How Firm a Foundation

A few years ago a friend and I were held up at gunpoint. It was terrifying for a few reasons. Our lives were threatened. After the robbery, the thief had the key to our apartment and had watched us exit so it was possible that he would return while we were there. The most terrifying part for my friend was the triggered memories of abuse. It was a challenging time. It was a time to rely on the Lord. We found solace in the hymn "How Firm a Foundation."
I was sitting by a friend at church today who is going through a large trial. We sang "How Firm a Foundation" and once again I was touched by the words and doctrine within this hymn:
"Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow,
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!"

Trials will always be apart of life. There is no need to fear! Heavenly Father gives us strength to overcome. The Adversary is the only one who wants us to become discouraged and give up. We become strengthened through our trials. When we rely on Jesus Christ we gain strength and wisdom and come closer to the ultimate goal, eternal life.

Greenhouse

My calla lily bulb never grew. So, I made a trip to the local nursery for an already growing calla lily. I ended up buying the only calla lily left. My bulb was supposed to be a red calla lily. It would have looked awesome with my red and brown color scheme in my room but alas the calla lily I purchased is white. I'm still super excited! It has a white spotted leaf which will look really awesome when the calla lilies bloom!
This past weekend I was spent some time with my dad. I found out that when he was young, his favorite flower was the calla lily. How cool that, at least for some time, my dad and I shared a favorite flower?!
Anyway, I never thought I was one for gardens. I appreciate beautiful gardens but was never interested in devoting much time to cultivating plants. A few years ago I decided that I wanted a plant. I've always liked the idea of having green draping plants hanging over bookshelves. So, I bought a plant which would make my library complete.
A few years later, I have four plants! My bedroom is going to become a greenhouse!

8/9/10

I realized at work that it is 8/9/10! I love numbers! I'm not a mathematician by any stretch of the imagination but I'm fascinated with number sequences, even numbers, and my favorite number (8). Eight became my favorite number around the age of 6 or 7 when I began looking forward to being baptized. Eight doubled is sixteen which is the date of my birth. Eighty eight was the number of the house I lived in until seven years of age. Eight is the last number of my current address. My license plate begins with the number 8. And it goes on and on. . . I love numbers!

Calla Lilies

About a month and a half ago I saw potted calla lilies at the grocery store. I was extremely tempted to buy one. Calla lilies are my favorite flower. A few days later I discovered a really cute pot which came with potting soil and a calla lily bulb for the same price as the potted calla lily at the grocery store. I was super excited! I purchased the cute pot and planted my bulb. I read up on care of calla lilies. According to the sources I read, caring for a calla lily is quite easy. I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong. It's been about 6 weeks and my bulb hasn't sprouted! I can't wait until it sprouts! It will be beautiful and will add a lovely accent to my decor! :)

My Dresser

I never thought I would say this but it is fun to be poor! Years ago I remember telling my dad that I wanted to be wealthy enough that I would never have to worry about money. He basically told me that it wasn't a realistic expectation and that the majority of people worry about finances.
Because of a large move and big changes in my life I have been really strapped monetarily. And I must admit I'm rather enjoying myself! My new living arrangement is rather small. Because of the size I need to be very efficient with my space. Since moving I've wanted to get a dresser. I've been perusing furniture stores, thrift stores, and garage sales for a few weeks. Every item I saw in thrift stores just looked nasty. Today I finally found the perfect dresser! Perfect in price: $35 (including tax)!!! Now one may not look at this dresser and think it looks perfect. It's pressed wood. It isn't stained, painted, or anything else. It's just plain and simple! There is nothing fancy about it! But this is the best part of all! When I saw this dresser it was kind of like seeing an incredible piece of fabric that you can't help but envision making into the perfect article of clothing! My creative juices began flowing. It's enthralling!
I'm so excited for my next project, my dresser! By the time I'm finished with it, it will look awesome! Well, hopefully it will! This is going to be my first furniture project so we'll see how it goes. But in my mind, this dresser is going to be incredible!

Patience

I think patience has always been a weakness of mine. I have always been one when told to jump, asks how high. Whenever I feel impressed to do something, I do it immediately. It has become a strength and a weakness. The weakness comes because I act so quickly, I expect others to do the same (including Heavenly Father). But the reality is things rarely happen when or how I want them to. A recent struggle has consisted of my patience being tested yet again. It's very difficult for me! I question a lot. I'm desperately working on becoming more patient and understanding, even when understanding is impossible in the present. Something which has helped me emensely is a talk by Pres. Dieter Uchtdorf given in the April 2010 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. There are MANY things he said which have helped me in my quest. One of which is this, "The children of Israel waited 40 years in the wilderness before they could enter the promised land. Jacob waited 7 long years for Rachel. The Jews waited 70 years in Babylon before they could return to rebuild the temple. The Nephites waited for a sign of Christ’s birth, even knowing that if the sign did not come, they would perish. Joseph Smith’s trials in Liberty Jail caused even the prophet of God to wonder, 'How long?' In each case, Heavenly Father had a purpose in requiring that His children wait." It gives me hope to know that people, even prophets have struggled through trials and wondered when it would end. It gives me hope that I can become a better person, as they did. I know in whom I trust!

Perfect- Baille and the Boys

I don't want half hearted love affairs
I need someone who really cares
Life is too short to play silly games
I promised myself I won't do that again

It's got to be-e-e-e perfect
It's got to be-e-e-e worth it
Too many people take second best but I won't take anything less
It's got to b-e-e-e perfect
Young hearts are foolish they make such mistakes
They're much too eager to give their love away
Well, I have been foolish too many times
And now I'm determined I'm gonna get it right

I came across this song on a recent road trip. Since my first encounter a few days ago I've wanted to listen to it over and over. There isn't much to the lyrics but it's perfect;) This song epitomizes my current feeling! I want the perfect love and I'm not willing to settle for anything less!

If I'm not in love with you -Faith Hill

If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you, baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you

Tomorrow will be five weeks since the man I love, more than anyone, broke my heart. The past five weeks have been pure agony! I had no idea how much it would hurt! I knew that I loved him. I knew that I loved him back in August when he told me that he may not return to the city we were living in, and I was crushed. At that moment I knew that I cared for him more deeply than I had realized. I knew that he had truly become part of my life; he had changed it forever.
This evening I went to a friend's wedding reception. It was eye-opening experience. I saw two couples, who in my mind, had completely different marriages. One couple was together because the other person 'fit the bill.' They each had the qualities the other desired and the timing seemed to work. They appeared to be living two parallel lives. They will lead content lives, helping the other to accomplish their life's goals and hopefully they will become interconnected along the path.
The comparison couple fell in love 'on accident.' They weren't looking for each other. They weren't what they had in mind for an eternal companion. But they came together because of love and in the process realized they didn't want to be without the other. They are madly in love in a way that is beautiful, healthy, and inspiring! I want that! I want to be in a relationship where we both adore the other. Where we have no greater desire than to share life's trials and joys together. I want true love, not just a 'we can make this work' relationship.

The Lord Is My Light

The Lord is my light; Tho clouds may arise,

Faith, stronger than sight, looks up thru the skies

Where Jesus forever in glory doth reign.

Then how can I ever in darkness remain?

The Lord is my light; the Lord is my strength.

I know in his might I'll conquer at length.

My weakness in mercy he covers with pow'r,

And, walking by faith, I am blest ev'ry hour.

Jesus Christ is the bearer of all Light! He is My light! He can take away my fear and pain in addition to my weakness and sin.

Since I made the decision to quit my job and follow the promptings I've received I've been extremely fearful. I'm not scared of the move. I'm scared that I won't be able to provide for myself. I'm scared that I won't get a job soon enough.

This morning my priesthood leader told me to pray that Christ will remove my fear. Why hadn't I thought of this?! My fears have enveloped me. They have consumed me. They have brought me down for far too long. But through Christ they will leave, if I but ask. The Savior is My Light!

Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door -Emily Dickinson

I don't claim to be very good at following the Spirit but I feel like I'm getting a lot of practice lately! Friday I gave my resignation notice. I don't have my next job lined up yet but I have received numerous promptings and impressions that I needed to do so. So, I'm stepping into the dark terrified, but nonetheless I'm stepping forward. I know that Heavenly Father, the One who has directed me, will provide a way.

Wishing and Hoping

I feel frustrated beyond belief! I felt impressed to move about 4 1/2 months ago. I immediately began praying for direction! I sought Heavenly Father's will diligently! I did everything in my power to follow His guidance. But to no avail. I've prepared myself and my things and have nothing to show for it, except frustration. I realize it sounds awful. I am struggling to exhibit faith in Heavenly Father's plan for me. But it's hard! I feel that everything I desire and everything He has guided me to do hasn't happened. Why?! What have I done wrong?! I'm trying with all my might and I'm losing energy. I have given what I have and all I have to show for it is a weak spirit.