If I'm not in love with you -Faith Hill

If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you, baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you

Tomorrow will be five weeks since the man I love, more than anyone, broke my heart. The past five weeks have been pure agony! I had no idea how much it would hurt! I knew that I loved him. I knew that I loved him back in August when he told me that he may not return to the city we were living in, and I was crushed. At that moment I knew that I cared for him more deeply than I had realized. I knew that he had truly become part of my life; he had changed it forever.
This evening I went to a friend's wedding reception. It was eye-opening experience. I saw two couples, who in my mind, had completely different marriages. One couple was together because the other person 'fit the bill.' They each had the qualities the other desired and the timing seemed to work. They appeared to be living two parallel lives. They will lead content lives, helping the other to accomplish their life's goals and hopefully they will become interconnected along the path.
The comparison couple fell in love 'on accident.' They weren't looking for each other. They weren't what they had in mind for an eternal companion. But they came together because of love and in the process realized they didn't want to be without the other. They are madly in love in a way that is beautiful, healthy, and inspiring! I want that! I want to be in a relationship where we both adore the other. Where we have no greater desire than to share life's trials and joys together. I want true love, not just a 'we can make this work' relationship.

The Lord Is My Light

The Lord is my light; Tho clouds may arise,

Faith, stronger than sight, looks up thru the skies

Where Jesus forever in glory doth reign.

Then how can I ever in darkness remain?

The Lord is my light; the Lord is my strength.

I know in his might I'll conquer at length.

My weakness in mercy he covers with pow'r,

And, walking by faith, I am blest ev'ry hour.

Jesus Christ is the bearer of all Light! He is My light! He can take away my fear and pain in addition to my weakness and sin.

Since I made the decision to quit my job and follow the promptings I've received I've been extremely fearful. I'm not scared of the move. I'm scared that I won't be able to provide for myself. I'm scared that I won't get a job soon enough.

This morning my priesthood leader told me to pray that Christ will remove my fear. Why hadn't I thought of this?! My fears have enveloped me. They have consumed me. They have brought me down for far too long. But through Christ they will leave, if I but ask. The Savior is My Light!

Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door -Emily Dickinson

I don't claim to be very good at following the Spirit but I feel like I'm getting a lot of practice lately! Friday I gave my resignation notice. I don't have my next job lined up yet but I have received numerous promptings and impressions that I needed to do so. So, I'm stepping into the dark terrified, but nonetheless I'm stepping forward. I know that Heavenly Father, the One who has directed me, will provide a way.