Calla Lilies

About a month and a half ago I saw potted calla lilies at the grocery store. I was extremely tempted to buy one. Calla lilies are my favorite flower. A few days later I discovered a really cute pot which came with potting soil and a calla lily bulb for the same price as the potted calla lily at the grocery store. I was super excited! I purchased the cute pot and planted my bulb. I read up on care of calla lilies. According to the sources I read, caring for a calla lily is quite easy. I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong. It's been about 6 weeks and my bulb hasn't sprouted! I can't wait until it sprouts! It will be beautiful and will add a lovely accent to my decor! :)

My Dresser

I never thought I would say this but it is fun to be poor! Years ago I remember telling my dad that I wanted to be wealthy enough that I would never have to worry about money. He basically told me that it wasn't a realistic expectation and that the majority of people worry about finances.
Because of a large move and big changes in my life I have been really strapped monetarily. And I must admit I'm rather enjoying myself! My new living arrangement is rather small. Because of the size I need to be very efficient with my space. Since moving I've wanted to get a dresser. I've been perusing furniture stores, thrift stores, and garage sales for a few weeks. Every item I saw in thrift stores just looked nasty. Today I finally found the perfect dresser! Perfect in price: $35 (including tax)!!! Now one may not look at this dresser and think it looks perfect. It's pressed wood. It isn't stained, painted, or anything else. It's just plain and simple! There is nothing fancy about it! But this is the best part of all! When I saw this dresser it was kind of like seeing an incredible piece of fabric that you can't help but envision making into the perfect article of clothing! My creative juices began flowing. It's enthralling!
I'm so excited for my next project, my dresser! By the time I'm finished with it, it will look awesome! Well, hopefully it will! This is going to be my first furniture project so we'll see how it goes. But in my mind, this dresser is going to be incredible!

Patience

I think patience has always been a weakness of mine. I have always been one when told to jump, asks how high. Whenever I feel impressed to do something, I do it immediately. It has become a strength and a weakness. The weakness comes because I act so quickly, I expect others to do the same (including Heavenly Father). But the reality is things rarely happen when or how I want them to. A recent struggle has consisted of my patience being tested yet again. It's very difficult for me! I question a lot. I'm desperately working on becoming more patient and understanding, even when understanding is impossible in the present. Something which has helped me emensely is a talk by Pres. Dieter Uchtdorf given in the April 2010 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. There are MANY things he said which have helped me in my quest. One of which is this, "The children of Israel waited 40 years in the wilderness before they could enter the promised land. Jacob waited 7 long years for Rachel. The Jews waited 70 years in Babylon before they could return to rebuild the temple. The Nephites waited for a sign of Christ’s birth, even knowing that if the sign did not come, they would perish. Joseph Smith’s trials in Liberty Jail caused even the prophet of God to wonder, 'How long?' In each case, Heavenly Father had a purpose in requiring that His children wait." It gives me hope to know that people, even prophets have struggled through trials and wondered when it would end. It gives me hope that I can become a better person, as they did. I know in whom I trust!

Perfect- Baille and the Boys

I don't want half hearted love affairs
I need someone who really cares
Life is too short to play silly games
I promised myself I won't do that again

It's got to be-e-e-e perfect
It's got to be-e-e-e worth it
Too many people take second best but I won't take anything less
It's got to b-e-e-e perfect
Young hearts are foolish they make such mistakes
They're much too eager to give their love away
Well, I have been foolish too many times
And now I'm determined I'm gonna get it right

I came across this song on a recent road trip. Since my first encounter a few days ago I've wanted to listen to it over and over. There isn't much to the lyrics but it's perfect;) This song epitomizes my current feeling! I want the perfect love and I'm not willing to settle for anything less!

If I'm not in love with you -Faith Hill

If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you, baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you

Tomorrow will be five weeks since the man I love, more than anyone, broke my heart. The past five weeks have been pure agony! I had no idea how much it would hurt! I knew that I loved him. I knew that I loved him back in August when he told me that he may not return to the city we were living in, and I was crushed. At that moment I knew that I cared for him more deeply than I had realized. I knew that he had truly become part of my life; he had changed it forever.
This evening I went to a friend's wedding reception. It was eye-opening experience. I saw two couples, who in my mind, had completely different marriages. One couple was together because the other person 'fit the bill.' They each had the qualities the other desired and the timing seemed to work. They appeared to be living two parallel lives. They will lead content lives, helping the other to accomplish their life's goals and hopefully they will become interconnected along the path.
The comparison couple fell in love 'on accident.' They weren't looking for each other. They weren't what they had in mind for an eternal companion. But they came together because of love and in the process realized they didn't want to be without the other. They are madly in love in a way that is beautiful, healthy, and inspiring! I want that! I want to be in a relationship where we both adore the other. Where we have no greater desire than to share life's trials and joys together. I want true love, not just a 'we can make this work' relationship.

The Lord Is My Light

The Lord is my light; Tho clouds may arise,

Faith, stronger than sight, looks up thru the skies

Where Jesus forever in glory doth reign.

Then how can I ever in darkness remain?

The Lord is my light; the Lord is my strength.

I know in his might I'll conquer at length.

My weakness in mercy he covers with pow'r,

And, walking by faith, I am blest ev'ry hour.

Jesus Christ is the bearer of all Light! He is My light! He can take away my fear and pain in addition to my weakness and sin.

Since I made the decision to quit my job and follow the promptings I've received I've been extremely fearful. I'm not scared of the move. I'm scared that I won't be able to provide for myself. I'm scared that I won't get a job soon enough.

This morning my priesthood leader told me to pray that Christ will remove my fear. Why hadn't I thought of this?! My fears have enveloped me. They have consumed me. They have brought me down for far too long. But through Christ they will leave, if I but ask. The Savior is My Light!

Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door -Emily Dickinson

I don't claim to be very good at following the Spirit but I feel like I'm getting a lot of practice lately! Friday I gave my resignation notice. I don't have my next job lined up yet but I have received numerous promptings and impressions that I needed to do so. So, I'm stepping into the dark terrified, but nonetheless I'm stepping forward. I know that Heavenly Father, the One who has directed me, will provide a way.