Perfect- Baille and the Boys

I don't want half hearted love affairs
I need someone who really cares
Life is too short to play silly games
I promised myself I won't do that again

It's got to be-e-e-e perfect
It's got to be-e-e-e worth it
Too many people take second best but I won't take anything less
It's got to b-e-e-e perfect
Young hearts are foolish they make such mistakes
They're much too eager to give their love away
Well, I have been foolish too many times
And now I'm determined I'm gonna get it right

I came across this song on a recent road trip. Since my first encounter a few days ago I've wanted to listen to it over and over. There isn't much to the lyrics but it's perfect;) This song epitomizes my current feeling! I want the perfect love and I'm not willing to settle for anything less!

If I'm not in love with you -Faith Hill

If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you, baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you

Tomorrow will be five weeks since the man I love, more than anyone, broke my heart. The past five weeks have been pure agony! I had no idea how much it would hurt! I knew that I loved him. I knew that I loved him back in August when he told me that he may not return to the city we were living in, and I was crushed. At that moment I knew that I cared for him more deeply than I had realized. I knew that he had truly become part of my life; he had changed it forever.
This evening I went to a friend's wedding reception. It was eye-opening experience. I saw two couples, who in my mind, had completely different marriages. One couple was together because the other person 'fit the bill.' They each had the qualities the other desired and the timing seemed to work. They appeared to be living two parallel lives. They will lead content lives, helping the other to accomplish their life's goals and hopefully they will become interconnected along the path.
The comparison couple fell in love 'on accident.' They weren't looking for each other. They weren't what they had in mind for an eternal companion. But they came together because of love and in the process realized they didn't want to be without the other. They are madly in love in a way that is beautiful, healthy, and inspiring! I want that! I want to be in a relationship where we both adore the other. Where we have no greater desire than to share life's trials and joys together. I want true love, not just a 'we can make this work' relationship.

The Lord Is My Light

The Lord is my light; Tho clouds may arise,

Faith, stronger than sight, looks up thru the skies

Where Jesus forever in glory doth reign.

Then how can I ever in darkness remain?

The Lord is my light; the Lord is my strength.

I know in his might I'll conquer at length.

My weakness in mercy he covers with pow'r,

And, walking by faith, I am blest ev'ry hour.

Jesus Christ is the bearer of all Light! He is My light! He can take away my fear and pain in addition to my weakness and sin.

Since I made the decision to quit my job and follow the promptings I've received I've been extremely fearful. I'm not scared of the move. I'm scared that I won't be able to provide for myself. I'm scared that I won't get a job soon enough.

This morning my priesthood leader told me to pray that Christ will remove my fear. Why hadn't I thought of this?! My fears have enveloped me. They have consumed me. They have brought me down for far too long. But through Christ they will leave, if I but ask. The Savior is My Light!

Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door -Emily Dickinson

I don't claim to be very good at following the Spirit but I feel like I'm getting a lot of practice lately! Friday I gave my resignation notice. I don't have my next job lined up yet but I have received numerous promptings and impressions that I needed to do so. So, I'm stepping into the dark terrified, but nonetheless I'm stepping forward. I know that Heavenly Father, the One who has directed me, will provide a way.

Wishing and Hoping

I feel frustrated beyond belief! I felt impressed to move about 4 1/2 months ago. I immediately began praying for direction! I sought Heavenly Father's will diligently! I did everything in my power to follow His guidance. But to no avail. I've prepared myself and my things and have nothing to show for it, except frustration. I realize it sounds awful. I am struggling to exhibit faith in Heavenly Father's plan for me. But it's hard! I feel that everything I desire and everything He has guided me to do hasn't happened. Why?! What have I done wrong?! I'm trying with all my might and I'm losing energy. I have given what I have and all I have to show for it is a weak spirit.

Boxes

Upon returning home from a trip a few months ago I felt impressed that I had accomplished what I needed to in my current location. It was time to move on. This impression came as a surprise since when I moved here a year and a half ago, I fully intended on being here for at least 5 years. My life here has been very good and I wasn't looking for a change. However, when promptings come, it's important to heed them!
For a month, I prayed and fasted as to where I should move next. Ironically, while at work, the distinct prompting came that I needed to return to my last location. I knew this wasn't my own thought because I had no desire to return. I immediately began looking into jobs. Two months later, all that has transpired is one phone interview which didn't go that well. It is incredibly frustrating! I feel like I'm doing my very best to follow Heavenly Father's direction but nothing is coming from my effort. I prayed and fasted countless times seeking further guidance and direction. It's always difficult to step into the darkness, having faith that Heavenly Father will provide the way!
I have tried to show my faith through making the steps necessary to move, despite the lack of a job in my new location. Two weeks ago I began packing. This weekend my replacement for my housing contract moved in (yet I'm still here). Last night I received a mass email asking if anyone needed moving boxes. (I used all those I had and need more boxes.) As frustrating as my situation is, I felt that this man's offer to give boxes was a tender mercy of the Lord! I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of me, my situation, and my frustrations. He doesn't want me to lose hope. So, he gives me small reminders that He is apart of my life. I know He loves me!

Regret

I was among friends this afternoon. We were talking about the Gospel of Jesus Christ and it's influence in our lives. One friend said, "I've never regretted following the Spirit." Initially her comment struck me as odd. Of course you would never regret following the Spirit! The Spirit won't lead you astray! But then I realized it's so true! When I receive promptings I should always heed them in complete faith and trust! I will never regret doing so!